FORT MYERS, Fla. — In a stunning display of unwavering commitment, Rafael Devers has declared that he has no intention of moving from third base, even with the signing of Gold Glove winner Alex Bregman. As Devers put it, “Third base is my position,” proving that when it comes to holding on to his spot, he’s ready to dig in like a toddler refusing to share their toys.
In a world where adaptability is key, Devers seems to have taken the “stick to what you suck at” approach to heart. After all, he recorded a minus-34 Outs Above Average since 2020, which is impressive in the sense that it’s like achieving the ultimate level in a video game—except the level is “Worst Third Baseman.” But why let a little thing like defensive stats get in the way of a good stubborn streak?
When asked about the team’s plans for the future, Devers responded with the confidence of someone who’s convinced that his “lack of mobility” is simply a misunderstood style choice. “I made it clear what my desires were,” he said, as if we all just missed the memo that playing subpar defense is the new trend.
Meanwhile, manager Alex Cora is left to navigate this awkward situation with the grace of a tightrope walker on a windy day. “We’ll make the best decision possible out there,” Cora said, probably while mentally preparing himself for the inevitable “I’m not moving!” tantrum from Devers. It’s like watching a parent trying to negotiate with a child who’s just discovered the magic of the word “no.”
As if things weren’t complicated enough, rookie prospect Kristian Campbell is eyeing second base like it’s the hottest nightclub in town. Picture him peeking over at Devers and thinking, “You’re really going to stick to that?” To which Devers might respond, “Yep! I’m committed to being the best third baseman with the worst defensive stats in the league!”
In a moment of surprising maturity, Devers welcomed Bregman, calling him a “great addition.” It’s like inviting a new roommate while insisting that your collection of mismatched furniture isn’t going anywhere. “You can come in, but this is still my territory!”
As the season looms, we can only sit back and appreciate Devers’ commitment to his craft—even if that craft is being less than stellar at third base. Here’s to Rafael Devers, the man who has taken “sticking to what you suck at” to a whole new level. May he defend that hot corner with all the pride of a gladiator in the arena, even if his armor is made of bad stats and stubbornness!
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